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Marriage is undoubtedly one of the most important life decisions you’ll ever have to make.
While we see many new couples tying the knot every day, plenty of couples still venture into marriage in the wrong state of mind.
Your partner becomes your closest family member once you get married. Thus, you may need to share more things than you envisaged.
Since your partner is the only family member that you get to choose, it’s mostly your fault if you make the wrong decision. So, you may need to carry out some evaluation before tying the knot.
Here is a list of questions that you must ask yourself or your partner before deciding to sign the certificate, making your relationship official.
22 Questions to ask before marriage
While some of these questions need you to think and seek for answers yourself, the vast majority of them require inputs from you and your partner.
Here are some of the questions you should consider asking before marriage.
1- What is your motivation for marriage?
People get married for various reasons, most of which aren’t necessary. Most people do because all of their friends are married already, and others do due to parental pressure.
If you feel you’re not emotionally ready to bear the burden of a partner, marriage may not be necessary. Nobody makes the rules for you.
Before getting married, you should review your reasons for marriage to understand if you’re really ready to marry.
2- Do you enjoy the company of your partner?
For most people, the best times you’ll have with your partner are the pre-marriage days. If your relationship wasn’t close to perfect before your wedding, you may never get used to yourselves.
Before signing the marriage contract, it’s important to review the times you’ve spent together with your partner.
You probably will be living with your partner for the rest of your life. If you don’t enjoy their company when you were trying to gain each other’s attention, you haven’t found a partner.
3- Do you want to have kids?
With an increasing number of people deciding not to have kids after marriage, this is becoming an increasingly important question before any marriage contract.
Do you or your partner want any kids? Are you open to change your decision for the sake of your partner, or are you fixated on your decision?
This question will help you in planning, so you aren’t fantasizing on a perfect life alone with your partner, while your partner is planning an elaborate naming ceremony for your first child.
4- Do you really understand your partner?
Is your partner an introvert or extrovert? Can you tell if he’s happy, sad, or angry?
Some people are not very good with words, and you should be able to decipher your partner’s mood based on their countenance.
5- Do you like your partner’s parents?
It may be difficult to tell your partner that you don’t like their mum or dad. However, your relationship with your in-laws play an important role in your marriage, and you shouldn’t take it for granted.
While it may be okay to get into a relationship when you don’t get along with your partner, it’s always better to be safe.
If you feel unwelcome in your partner’s wider family, you may want to reconsider being a new member of that family.
This is an especially important part of every relationship. Once you tie the knot, you may decide to operate a joint bank account or keep your finances separate.
Before reaching an agreement, you need to understand that you’re two unique people, and you need to decide for yourself. You don’t need to do it exactly like your friend or parents.
However, a good agreement is to intermix both. You can keep personal accounts so that you can make purchases without having to answer any questions. In addition, you can also keep a joint account to collectively save for a vacation or your next house.
This stage is also when you decide if you’ll share your partner’s debts. Don’t go into the marriage expecting your partner to help clear your financial history if you’ve not agreed beforehand.
The choice is totally yours.
7- What are your plans on your careers?
A great many guys don’t want their wives to work at all, and some want their wives to stop working once they have kids.
What’s your partner’s opinion on this? Do you also agree to it?
It’s never a pleasant debate when you hope to be the CEO of your company when your partner is thinking the opposite.
The best option is to reach an agreement before marriage to avoid future deliberations.
8- What are your individual opinions on vacations?
While you will be doing many things together as a couple after marriage, vacation is often overlooked.
This can turn out to have very undesirable consequences. If you’re someone who’ve dreamed of touring Africa your whole life, you’ll surely be having annual qualms if your partner prefers staying close to home.
If you don’t talk it out before signing the marriage certificate, you may end up shelving your age long dream of writing a travel blog.
9- Are you going to respect each other’s religious beliefs, if you have any at all?
Religious differences are one thing that could spell doom for any relationship, including concluded marriages.
This is why it’s important to have a deep discussion on your religious differences and how you’ll handle religious issues if any ever arises.
For couples with differences in religious beliefs, deciding what your kids’ religious beliefs before the fact is necessary to avoid heated conflicts later in the marriage.
10- What words, memories, or habits make your partner mad?
You’ll rarely see your partner in a fit of rage during your courtship days. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t get angry.
Before tying the knot, it’s important to know which of your habits your partner doesn’t like.
While you’re not obliged to change your ways to suit your partner, it will help in determining if you can live together on the long run.
11- Who’ll care for the children if you have them?
Nobody is solely responsible for caring for a child. Since a child is the product of a couple, you should also decide on the roles of each partner in caring for them.
Will you be comfortable changing diapers or dressing the kid up for school? What roles will your partner play in the development of the kids?
These are things you need to decide on before getting married to avoid shouldering unwanted responsibility in the future.
12- What are your divorce plans?
Nobody hopes for a divorce after marriage, but everyone should prepare for a divorce before marriage.
Before your marriage, you should explore the possibilities of signing a prenuptial agreement to define the rights of both partners if the marriage eventually ends in a divorce.
Contrary to popular belief that prenuptial agreements may weaken marriages, it actually makes them stronger.
13- What if you struggle to have children; what alternatives will you be considering?
While most couples will like to have kids, not every couple ends up having biological kids. There are medical conditions that may prevent some people from having kids.
What alternatives will you and your partner be considering if you can’t reproduce biologically?
It’s crucial to know what your partner thinks of issues like these, as they mostly require mutual consent from both of you.
14- What are your goals?
Everyone has reasons for getting married. You know everything you’re hoping to achieve with your spouse before tying the knot.
For most people, it’s kids. You need to know your partner’s goals in marriage and verify if it aligns with yours before signing the marriage contract.
15- What does your ideal marriage look like?
People have different expectations of marriage. While some people see the perfect marriage as an endless union of romance between two lovers, others see it as getting someone to help with your daily life.
Before getting into a marriage, it’s crucial to understand what your partner thinks of marriage. If it doesn’t align with yours, you may need to find a true partner.
16- What are your sexual expectations?
One of the main reasons why people get married is sexual satisfaction. However, it happens that everyone has different tastes when it comes to sex life.
Before going on to get married, it’s important to explore how often you and your partner expect to have sex, and the things you enjoy about it.
Your partner should understand your turn-ons and turn-offs to help you achieve a fulfilling sex life.
17- Do you have any major secrets?
Nothing stays hidden forever. If you try keeping past secrets from your partner, you only risk exposing it when it’s too late.
A pre-engagement discussion is a great avenue to reveal your biggest secrets to see if your partner can live with them.
18- What happens after you argue?
A flawless relationship doesn’t exist. The best thing you can hope for is mutual understanding, and the ability to reconcile after an argument.
Before your long term commitment, reflect on your past disagreements and how you went about solving it.
If you’ve never disagreed on anything, your relationship may not be ripe enough for a marriage.
19- When do you want to start having kids?
Even if you and your partner decide to start having kids, when would you want it to be?
Some people get married during their university days but will want to wait till after their graduation before having kids.
Reaching a compromise with your partner on when you’ll like to have kids remains crucial before marriage.
20- How many kids would you like to have?
You may be planning to have two kids, a boy, and a girl, while your partner is planning to have four.
This is why it’s important to ask your fiancé about their opinions on the number of kids that you should have.
This shouldn’t be a deal breaker, as most people will be open for a change on this.
21- What kinds of pets do you keep?
If you’re a regular on Reddit, you’ll see people fuming about how their pets don’t get along with their partners.
The solution is simple; some people can’t stand the look of your favorite animal. Before signing the papers, you may want to consider the feelings of your little furry friend too.
22- What about the in-laws?
Here is another important part of marital life that usually gets swept under the carpet.
Depending on the culture of your spouse, and what part of the world you live in, your in-laws could grow to be very excessively attached to your family.
Before getting married to your partner, you should reach a compromise on the state of in-laws in the family.
Having your spouse answer questions about how much they’ll prioritize their family over others may give you the answer needed to make a decision.
Conclusion
Marriage can be fun if you get everything right. Getting everything right involves asking the right questions to gather the information needed to make the perfect choice of a spouse.
With questions ranging from your career choices, sex life, potential kids, finances, expectations, divorce plans, and even your choice of pets, you can never go wrong with your final choice.
If you overlook these questions, all you’ll have is a partner that you don’t fully understand, making choices that you can’t explain.
That isn’t what you want your ideal marriage to look like, is it?
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